Things are getting better.
Ashley came and visited me this weekend, and you guys are in for one hell of a myspace party. BYOB.
OMG I'M SO FUCKED UPPPPPP. THIS WILL BE ME IN THREE MINUTES.
We can't be together without cracking up for some ridiculous reason, it's getting out of hand.
Ashley left, and I had a great day yesterday. I made another friend! Her name is Jess and she's twenty-four and we get along extremely well. This is a friend I feel completely comfortable with, someone I want to hang out with a lot, not just a friend I have so I can meet other people or to keep myself from being alone. I went up to her yesterday morning and started talking with her, which was very courageous of me, I must say.
I gained so much self-confidence from that experience. I went to Albertaco's again after school to see if anonymous boy would be there again, but he wasn't. So I sat alone eating my mexican food, and the guy who took my order remembered me from the day before. "I remember all of the nice girls."
I came home, took my dog to the dog park, and drew some. I'm getting back into drawing and this time it's just to express myself. Before I was worried about impressing people who saw my art but now I really like how it turns out and it's much better.
After that I walked to the beach and it was beautiful. I initially went there to write down my thoughts in my journal, but it was difficult to pull myself away from watching the waves and the people enjoying themselves. I wrote a couple pages and felt a compulsion to go into the ocean. I had forgotten my bathingsuit but it didn't matter, I went in and the water was gorgeous. It was spectacular, for some reason the ocean really made me feel beautiful and whole.
I went to a meeting, and it's great to see how much I've grown. I was with these girls who couldn't see a future without their addictions and were resisting recovery anyways, and I felt much more accomplished. I am still struggling on occasion, but things are getting better.
I came back home and met Jess for coffee in Laguna, and I second-hand smoked for the 1 1/2 hours that we were there. I really do feel a buzz from inhaling that, I start to get dizzy, but I don't mind it. We had just an excellent conversation, talking and laughing and sharing our lives, I felt so comfortable with her. I'm really glad I made a true friend, it's so refreshing.
I came home, did crunches and yoga and went to sleep. I feel so empowered by yesterday that I'd like to make today just as fantastic. Which will be hard because it's lab day and that is something I'm not looking forward too, but I'll get through it. :)
Thanks to everyone who helped me when I was in a worse place than this, things are getting better.